Sunday, December 19, 2004

Top 10 Uses for a College Degree

It was an arduous journey, filled with unmentionable peril and strife. It was not for the faint of heart. At times I thought I might fail. Just as my elusive goal would come into view, some obstacle would throw itself into my path and thwart my efforts. But I persevered, for I knew at the end of my journey I would finally hold in my hands the object for which I had so long labored: a college degree. And though it cost me several years and several thousand dollars (not to mention my youth and my sanity) I’m glad I stayed the course. After all, there are several uses for a college degree (although getting a job doesn’t seem to be one of them.) So if, like me, you find that that little piece of paper isn’t fulfilling its appointed function, consider one of these alternative uses:
1. Paper airplanes (this is also a good use for those pointless “help wanted” ads in the newspaper.)
2. To line birdcages
3. In case you run out of toilet paper
4. Bookmark
5. Placemat
6. Coaster
7. Scrap paper, for writing:
--Outline for the Great American Novel
--To-do lists
--Ransom notes (hey, you gotta make a living some way!)
8. To wipe up those messy household spills.
9. Kindling (for when your utilities get cut off because you can’t pay the bill.)
10. Origami (very therapeutic--great for passing the time when you get institutionalized for going bananas after going on 20 job interviews in three days.)
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