Confessions of an Internet Junkie

It all began so innocently.
“Have you heard of this thing called the Internet?” a friend asked me several years ago. I hadn’t, but boy was I impressed! You could find anything you wanted on the ‘net, and as a college student I found it to be a much more efficient research method than spending hours on end in the dusty old school library. And for a while I kept things strictly academic. But soon the allure of extracurricular surfing proved too overwhelming. Chat rooms, message boards, blogs...what mere mortal could resist such temptation?
Steadily, my obsession grew. Oh, how insidious it was! Each day, it took more and more control over me, until I was entirely at its mercy. I live my entire life online now: shop, pay bills, work, meet people. Why, I’ll never have to leave this chair again! But wait...maybe that’s just what it wants, to turn me into another one of its mindless slaves. No, never! You’ll never have me! I should try to fight it! I should...oh listen to me. Now I’m just being silly.
I don’t have a problem. Plenty of people spend more time online than I do. I can quit anytime I want. Right after I check the message boards. And then read a few blogs. And maybe pay some bills. And send a couple of e-mails, check the latest headlines... I give up! It’s too much! I surrender! Oh glorious and mighty Internet, I am but your humble servant!