Thursday, April 28, 2005

Due to lack of interest...

...I am temporarily suspending this blog, but I hope to return soon.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

When I Grow Up, I Want To Be...

When I was a child, I had a terrible time deciding what I wanted to be when I grew up. Not because nothing interested me, but because everything did. How was I supposed to commit my entire life to one career when there were so many others that sounded just as appealing? What if I made the wrong decision? What if I spent my life trapped in a career I wasn’t destined for? This really worried me. I think that’s the real reason I became a journalist. One day I may be interviewing a psychologist, the next a medical researcher and the day after that, a forensic investigator. I get to live vicariously through them, but I have none of their responsibility. But before I devoted myself to slackerdom, I had big dreams. Here are a few of them:

1. Astronaut
I really liked this one. It sounded exciting, but, alas, I’m afraid of heights, and I’m rather fond of this gravity thing. So, back to the drawing board.

2. Astronomer
If I couldn’t fly to the stars, I figured I could at least I could look at them.

3. Actor
I was pretty determined about this one. I even started college as a theatre major, until I discovered that all of the other actors had egos the size of Jupiter and brains the size of a subatomic particle. And the directors were all crazy control freaks. Or maybe I just caught them all on a bad day.

4. FBI Agent
If only I could be like Mulder and Scully!

5. Archaeologist
What could be more fun than digging in the dirt all day?

6. Figure Skater
Unfortunately, I am totally uncoordinated and have no sense of balance.

7. Blues singer.
Now this one, I could see myself dedicating my life to. However, I cannot sing. In fact, I would be more likely to get people to pay me NOT to sing. there’s an idea.


"People don’t choose their careers; they are engulfed by them."

John Dos Passos (1896–1970), U.S. novelist. New York Times (Oct. 25, 1959).

Friday, April 22, 2005

Things I Learned From My Cat

1. “Me” time is very important.

2. Always act like it was your idea.

3. A little attitude will take you a long way.

4. Never let them see you sweat.

5. A nonchalant stretch or casual yawn is a great cover.

6. There’s no problem that a nice long nap can’t fix.

7. Act like you own the world, and everyone else will believe you do.

8. Appearance is everything.

9. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

10. Sometimes you just have to do what the voices in your head tell you to.


"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want."

Joseph Wood Krutch (1893–1970), U.S. author, editor. Twelve Seasons, “February,” (1949).

"Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons."

Robertson Davies (b. 1913), Canadian novelist, journalist. repr. In The Enthusiasms of Robertson Davies (1990). “Mehitabel,” Toronto Daily Star (Nov. 21, 1959).

Monday, April 18, 2005

Trivial Trivia

One of the best things about being a freelance journalist is the variety. At any given time, I may be writing about the history of Judo, profiling a local computer forensics lab or explaining how biodiesel fuel is formulated. Not only does this make my job interesting, it also makes it educational. Who knew the Egyptians introduced both the plow and the 12-month calendar? The last few weeks have been especially enlightening, and I just didn’t feel right keeping all of this information to myself. So, in my desire to contribute to the greater good, I have compiled a list of fascinating tidbits I have uncovered during my research.

1. Judo developed from Jujitsu, a form of hand-to-hand combat used by samurai in ancient Japan, although Judo’s founder was a pacifist.

2. The Basenji is one of the world’s oldest known dog breeds, originating in Africa. Egyptian carvings featuring likenesses of the Basenji have been found in the tombs of pharaohs.

3. Ear inflammation is one of the most common medical conditions among dogs.

4. According to the principles of Feng Shui, placing an amethyst in the room of someone who is sick may help them heal.

5. The following essential oils increase blood flow and produce beta brain waves: basil, bay laurel, bay rum, clove, lemon, rosemary and sage.

6. A person’s first impression of you is made within three seconds.

7. Biodiesel fuel can cut the particulate matter released by burning petroleum by up to 70 percent.

8. Lupus often runs in families.

9. Einstein was an accomplished violinist, and often played the violin to help him work through difficult math problems.

10. String theorists believe there may be as many as 11 dimensions.


“Knowledge is happiness, because to have knowledge—broad, deep knowledge—is to know true ends from false, and lofty things from low. To know the thoughts and deeds that have marked man’s progress is to feel the great heart-throbs of humanity through the centuries; and if one does not feel in these pulsations a heavenward striving, one must indeed be deaf to the harmonies of life.”

Helen Keller (1880-1968)

Sunday, April 10, 2005

The Universe According to Female At Large

Enter at your own risk. The rules of logic do not apply here.

Yes, I know all about gravity and electromagnetism, and all of those really neat forces that are supposed to govern the universe, but apparently my universe is governed by an entirely different set of rules. Here, up is down and right is left, and I never know what to expect. However, after years of observation and experimentation, I have managed to uncover many of the fundamental laws governing my existence. I present them to you now, so that you can fully appreciate the chaos that is my life. Welcome to my world:

1. There will be a traffic jam when you’re already running late.

2. Your alarm clock will fail you when you have a Very Important, early morning meeting.

3. Whichever line you choose at the grocery store will be the slowest.

4. Your pen will run out of ink, the batteries in your tape recorder will go dead, your dogs will all start barking and your cat will pounce on your head during your telephone interview with that source that was so hard to get in touch with, for that story that’s due by the end of the day.

5. Every electronic or mechanical item you buy will break down the day after the warranty expires.

6. You will get the hiccups right before your job interview.

7. Any financial windfall will be immediately followed by a monetary loss of an equal or greater amount.

8. The electricity will go out during “The Simpsons.”

9. You will have a bad hair day and a zit of gargantuan proportions whenever someone takes your picture.

10. You will drop the last piece of chocolate on the floor.


"The universe seems to me infinitely strange and foreign. At such a moment I gaze upon it with a mixture of anguish and euphoria; separate from the universe, as though placed at a certain distance outside it; I look and I see pictures, creatures that move in a kind of timeless time and spaceless space, emitting sounds that are a kind of language I no longer understand or ever register."
Eugene Ionesco, playwright (1909 - 1994)

Thursday, April 07, 2005

More Deep Thoughts

I still have writer’s block, so I’m going to use the words of people far more eloquent than I am.

1. “If I let my fingers wander idly over the keys of a typewriter it might happen that my screed made an intelligible sentence. If an army of monkeys were strumming on typewriters they might write all the books in the British Museum.” Sir Arthur Stanley Eddington (1882–1944)

Hmmm...I wonder if that monkey idea would work for me...

2. “Fine writers should split hairs together, and sit side by side, like friendly apes, to pick the fleas from each other’s fur.” Logan Pearsall Smith (1865–1946)

First monkeys? Now apes? I’m sensing a theme here.

3. “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Albert Einstein (1879–1955)

For my sake, I hope that’s true.

4. “Writers should be read, but neither seen nor heard.” Daphne du Maurier (1907-1989)

5. “Humor is just another defense against the universe.” Mel Brooks (1926- )

Sunday, April 03, 2005

How to Cure Writer's Block

1. First of all, don’t panic. Writer’s block happens to everyone--it’s just part of the creative process. Take a deep breath, have a little chocolate and try to relax. It’ll all come together eventually.

2. Make sure your working environment is conducive to creativity. If your workspace is cluttered, or if it’s dreary and depressing, of course you’re going to feel uninspired. Take some time to rearrange your surroundings. Clear out the clutter. Maybe slap on a new coat of paint. Your work will still be there when you’re done.

3. Maybe it’s the computer. Check it for any signs of malfunction. If your computer isn’t working properly, it could be emitting harmful energy, or radiation or even death rays. Give it a good, thorough check-up before proceeding any further.

4. Get away from it for a while. When you’re in a slump, sometimes the best thing you can do is take a break. You’ll return refreshed and filled with new ideas. Occupy your mind with something else. Something enlightening, like “The X-Files” or “The Simpsons.”

5. You know what? I really think it’s the computer. Maybe it’s possessed. Throw it out the window. Immediately. It’s too nice a day to work anyway. Better to go for a walk--nature can be very inspiring. Or better yet, visit a museum or take in a concert. Or...what’s this? An “X-Files” marathon? Who needs to work when you can watch Mulder all day? I believe you, Mulder! The truth is out there!
Free Guestbook from Free Guestbook from
Zoetrope Bloggers
Join | List | Previous | Next | Random | Previous 5 | Next 5 |
Powered by RingSurf