The Queen of Evil

The Internet is a perilous place for a quiz-a-holic like me. What kind of candy are you? (I’m a Hershey’s Kiss.) Who’s your celebrity love match? (Matthew McConaughey) What’s your DJ name? (DJ Resounding Pimp) They’re addictive. And I don’t think there’s a chapter of Quizaholics Anonymous in my city.
Recently I stumbled across a test I could not fail: “How evil are you?” Aha! I exclaimed as I rubbed my hands together gleefully. After all, I was downright sinful--my success was practically assured. As I checked off all of the “have you evers,” my confidence continued to grow. Why yes I have...oh, yes...several times in fact...Ha! I was so evil I’d probably crash their website. I leaned back in my chair and waited smugly for my results. Poor things, they’d probably never seen evil the likes of me before.
And then came one of the greatest shocks of my life. “What?!” I cried in agony. “I’m only 20 percent evil? That can’t be right. I demand a recount!” I began to wring my hands and walk the floor. I’d never been so disappointed in myself! How could I be such a failure? But then I had a heartening thought--maybe all hope isn’t lost. Like Scarlett O’Hara said, tomorrow is another day. Maybe I can still be redeemed. Maybe true evil isn’t out of my reach. I know I can achieve untold wickedness! I’ll just have to try a little harder...


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