I'm Out There Somewhere...

I’ve looked under the rug. I’ve looked in the cabinets. I’ve even looked in the attic, but to no avail. No matter how hard I search, I just can’t find myself.
Other people are finding themselves. I see them on Oprah, I see them on Dr. Phil, I read about them in all those women’s magazines and self-help books. (Did I just admit to reading self-help books? Geez, I really need to learn how to have a private thought.) If they can do it, why can’t I? The new me, the true me, the authentic me...she’s out there somewhere and she’s all alone! There must be something I can do!
It’s the new year, and all around me people are setting out to find themselves. Surely there’s hope for me too. So starting today, I will leave no stone unturned in my quest to find myself. Meditation? I’m there! Aromatherapy? I’m all over it! Feng shui, hypnosis, health food, tai chi, religion, positive thinking, herbs, yoga, pilates, past life regression...I’ll try it all! Don’t worry, me, I’m coming! I’ll find you, wherever you are!
By the way, if any of you out there in Cyberspace happen to see the true me, will you tell her to get her lazy butt back here right now? We have work to do!