Thursday, January 20, 2005

How To Spot An Alien

Thought they could fool the entire neighborhood, did they? Well, they didn’t count on my devastatingly perceptive Reporter’s Eye. I’m onto them, I tell you! I know there’s something not quite right about those people next door. The otherworldly noises coming from their house at all hours, the eerie glowing lights shining through their windows, that faint green tinge to their can only mean one thing. They’re aliens.
Wait! Don’t leave yet! Hear me out, I know what I’m talking about, and just think, if extraterrestrials have invaded my neighborhood, they’ve probably invaded yours too. You need to know how to spot them, and that’s where I can help. As a reporter, I’ve been trained to be observant, to pick up on little clues that other people overlook. And after years of studying my own neighbors, I’ve developed a list of signs that your neighbors might be aliens. See if any of them sound familiar.
Top 10 Signs Your Neighbors Are Aliens:
1. Those funny silver spacesuits they sometimes wear.
2. Their heads are cone-shaped.
3. The husband claims he’s restoring a classic car, but what’s under that tarp looks suspiciously saucer-shaped.
4. They have pointy ears like Spock.
5. Men in black suits show up at your door asking a lot of strange questions.
6. They play William Shatner’s latest album at full-blast, over and over, all day long.
7. They spent their last family vacation at Area 51.
8. Their daughter is president of the Leonard Nimoy fan club.
9. The kids dress up as E.T. for Halloween. Every year.
10. You overhear them talking about the mothership and when it’s going to return.
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