Thursday, March 10, 2005

Meet the Family

What, does the world revolve around me, or something? Since I started this blog, all I’ve done is yak, yak, yak about me, me, me. How did I get to be so self-centered? Shame on me for not acknowledging the people who made me the person I am today: my dear family. So, out of respect and honor for them, I have decided to give blame, I mean credit, where credit is due. Meet the people without whom I would not be whatever the hell it is I am today.

1. Belle Gunness, notorious female serial killer. Or as we affectionately call her, “Aunt Belle.” I am supposedly related to her husband, who was probably also her first victim. After his death, Belle murdered several other men, whom she met through lonely hearts ads in newspapers. She would lure them to her house, murder and dismember them and keep their money. She and her three children died in a house fire, although it is rumored that Belle substituted the body of a homeless woman for her own. After the fire, investigators found the remains of 14 men on her property.

2. Jesse James, infamous outlaw. I am not a direct descendant, but supposedly related to his sister. James and his partners pulled off several bank robberies, and he was portrayed in the media as sort of a Robin Hood type.

3. The Dalton Gang. An infamous gang of outlaws, three of whom actually started out as lawmen, but eventually turned to crime. They committed a series of robberies, until townspeople armed themselves and a shootout ensued after one of their heists. Every member of the gang was either killed or captured. Damn! I’m only related to them by marriage.

4. William Penn, founder of Pennsylvania. His ideas inspired the United States Constitution.

5. Dolley Madison, wife of President James Madison. She is best known for reportedly rescuing several valuables from the White House before it was burned by the British army in 1814.

That explains a lot, doesn't it?
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