Sunday, February 20, 2005

What I Learned From Internet Quizzes

Sometimes you just need a break. I’m trying to be productive, really I am, but I just don’t have the stamina. After spending all day writing about how to clean your dog’s ears and how to feng shui your personal workspace, I needed a diversion. So I turned to my most recent addiction, a bag of chocolate chips accompanied by a few Internet quizzes. And what I found out about myself was unexpected, but a little thought-provoking.

Who’s your inner rock star?
Wow, your inner rock star is Bjork. You've charmed the world with your beautiful, zany, personal style. To say you're a member of the alternative set would be a gross understatement. You and Bjork define alternative in its purest form. You've got nothing to prove, it's your remarkably creative point of view that lets you make art from anything—art, music, politics—whatever makes you passionate. It's just who you are. You've got the courage to experiment with your style and career, and all the while remaining positively sweet and humble. You are as much a free spirit as they come. Celebrate your inner Bjork.
--Does this mean I have to wear a swan dress and attack people in the airport?

What’s your lucky charm?
There's something about you that just brightens up a room. It's only fitting that your personal charm is as fun as your good luck charm, the Good Luck Troll. These pot-bellied, big-eared, wild-haired, naked little creatures can lighten the mood almost as easily as you do. Whether they are perched on the end of a pencil, gazing down from the bookshelf or riding along on the dashboard, these "so-ugly-they're-cute" trolls bring good fortune to those who truly appreciate their power. Often mentioned in the same breath as Pet Rocks, Sea Monkeys and the Slinky, Good Luck Trolls aren't just another fad rescued from oblivion. They come from the enchanted forests of Norway, where it was believed glimpsing a real troll would yield years of good luck. These miniature imitations are easy to spot and even easier to laugh at. And that's the point: nothing bad can happen when you're laughing.
--Sure it can, like if you laugh while driving, get distracted, run off the road and die.

What's Your Superpower?
Say what? Your superpower is ANIMAL COMMUNICATION! Many people pretend to talk to their pets, but you can really, truly do it. Have you ever mimicked the monkeys or the penguins at the zoo? If you have, you're on your way to becoming a great animal communicator, just like Aquaman with his fishy friends. Some people think animal communication has to be vocal. Not so. Any superhero knows that mental telepathy is where it's at. So while barking at Fido might be fun, it's not the practice you really need. Instead, try thinking like an animal. When you get into the mindset of, say, a squirrel, you'll be able to truly communicate with one. Of course it's a two way street, because you'll be able to understand everything they say back, too. And they've got a lot to tell! Imagine talking to a walrus about the deep ocean or to an ant about life underground. Once you've perfected your superhuman gift, you'll never be without interesting conversation.
--Yes, but then my Rice Krispies would get jealous.
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