Sunday, March 13, 2005

Where's Einstein When You Need Him?

Many physicists believe that there are actually several different realities, which exist parallel to our own. I believe I may have slipped into one of these alternate realities, because recently several strange things have occurred for which I can find no other explanation. If you doubt my theory, take a look at the list of evidence I have compiled.

1. My dog marched into the room and announced he wanted to change his name from "Sir Humps-a-Lot" to “Pup Daddy.” He says he needs more street cred.

2. A former co-worker called me up out of the blue, and said there were people living under her house. So she changed her phone number, but couldn’t tell me the number over the phone, because “they” might be listening.

3. Same co-worker called me up a few days later, and said there was a troll-like man living in her tree. He never moves, even when she throws things at him.

4. Went to my grandmother’s house the next day, and she said she had a man living in her tree. However, her man reads aloud from a book, but she can’t make out what he’s saying. She’s still working on it, though.

5. Found out that a former classmate, who once had to ask how to spell the letter “z,” is now a published novelist with a book contract and her own fan club.

6. A woman came up to me in the grocery store, insisting my name was Ilsa and saying that she knew me from her childhood days in Budapest.

7. Kept hearing strange noises in the attic. Wait a minute--I don’t have an attic.

8. I lost a $10 bill, turned the house upside down but couldn’t find it. Came home the next day, and it was just sitting there on the table looking innocent.

9. Came home to find my goldfish missing. The bowl’s still there, but the fish is nowhere to be seen. And no, my cats didn’t eat it; there was a cover on the bowl.

10. Woke up one morning to find all of the furniture in my living room re-arranged and my cats looking very confused.

I’m no Einstein, and I don’t really understand this whole “space-time continuum” thing, but I sincerely believe that something is amiss here. If anyone reading this happens to be a physicist, or knows someone who is, I would be very grateful for any help they can provide. You can reach me here, or at (555) LST-NSPC.
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